"If you are unfortunate enough to find yourself the victim of the elevator being stuck, please try to remain calm."

1. Wow. How much molly-coddling do we really need at this university.

2. Doesn't "the victim of" make it sound like the elevator has agency? Why isn't there a horror movie about malevolent elevators? It could be called "The Lift of Death". Which is ambiguous and so a little poetic. Or "Deathshaft," which is quite literal.