I think the past few months have led me to the conclusion that I am really not looking just for someone to brush my teeth next to every night. I guess I like being alone more/am more selfish than the average person.

You know sometimes You meet someone, and it feels like they are a reward for all the tedium and suffering and work You've done on Yourself, and all the sacrifice and the delay of gratification, and all the whatever kinds of costs we incur by being the best people we can be. You meet someone and it feels like You deserve this person, and You would not have the benefit of this person if You hadn't given so much of Yourself in the past, and now it all turns out to have been worth it. It makes sense, in a long-term developmental sort of way, and it's comforting.

And then there are other people You sometimes meet. And these people feel, they feel like miracles. They don't feel like a reward, or like You deserve them, or that they are in any way connected to anything You may have done in the past, they feel like a windfall, unexpected and glorious, and it's disconcerting, because nothing in Your meritocratic (or even karmic) philosophy has led You to believe that human connection, or anything else, works this way. It's not comforting; it's shocking. Like any miracle.