I went to an LGBTQ workshop this morning. A few thoughts.

1. Key quote regarding terminology about how the majority treats the minority: "Traffic jams are to be tolerated; people are to be accepted and celebrated."
• This fits with W's dissertation research about "tolerance" of others not leading to anything good. People, stop thinking "tolerance" is a goal we should strive towards. It really isn't.
• As cheesy as it sounds, I really like the idea of celebrating people. I like it. So there.
2. I found the atmosphere, which was so supportive and inclusive and mindful of our individual unique experiences (the facilitator repeated quite a few times that we should "take care of ourselves" to make sure that what we are doing is authentic and feels good to us), to be a misrepresentation of actual interactions with people whom we might have to confront about homophobia/transphobia/etc. People do not respond with interest and an open heart when You tell them that what they just said or did is not cool. Even if You target their behavior and not their identity. They are resistant and they are quick to defend their own intent and dismiss the impact their behavior might have on others (especially when those others are absent). I think this workshop should have recognized that most contexts do not provide such security of expression.
• Regardless, I think people do not take care of themselves enough. People, take care of Yourselves. Mind Your own emotions and act accordingly.
3. I am going to write an email now to someone reacting more explicitly to a comment made by that someone yesterday that I reacted to but probably not explicitly enough to make that someone think about what I was reacting to.
4. When I am lecturing I usually limit my examples to family relationships that have nothing to do with romantic relationships. So, I use my brothers rather than "my husband/boyfriend/girlfriend" when I talk about communication or whatever. Partly this is due to the fact that I never have a romantic partner. Partly it is because I am aware that embracing my own heteronormativity in front of them would not be neutral to some students. But I am thinking about how to navigate these examples in a way that makes it clear that what I identify as is irrelevant, but also that what they identify as should be "celebrated".
5. I appreciated the way the guy emphasized that "identify as" is a subjectively more agentic term than "am". I buy that.

I was going to spend today writing about everyone else's awesomeness, but I have too much to do, too many awesome people to spend in-person time with, to actually write about it. Rest assured, I probably think You are awesome. If You are someone and would like to know why I think You are awesome, ask, and I'll articulate it. :-)

Today I'll write about my nieces. I haven’t really known them for very long, so I have less experience with their awesomeness than with other family members', but man, their awesomeness is sssoooooooooo monumental that it’s conspicuous. 

B is the sweetest thing on two legs. She is so free with smiles, and so willing to approach people, and come into contact. She is not anxious. She will make friends easily. She is open and spontaneous in her emotional communication. She loves stories, and remembers them well. Her memory in general is amazing. She is comfortable communicating in at least 2 languages. She yearns for knowledge, and will happily listen to lengthy explanations about complex issues, and then ask follow-up questions. She's a thinker. She has a clear, personal sense of aesthetics that drives her wardrobe decisions. Ha. 

Z, meanwhile, has a singularity of focus that I truly find astonishing. She will take on tasks that require fine-grained, meticulous movements, and pursue them until they are complete. Things I never would expect she could do, she does. And enjoys it. She has inner determination. She is tough. She is very aware of others' emotions, and is considerate of them. She is calm, mostly. She does not externalize her emotions as easily as her sister, but she communicates them in subtle, meaningful ways. She loves dancing and will sometimes spontaneously begin to sway and twirl, she's so graceful.

Their awesomeness as a unit should also be mentioned. Their amazing sync. They sound alike, and when they speak or sing or yell or move in unison, it’s like a single superawesome extrapowerful entity. Their love of and attunement to each other is wonderful. 

Today I'll write about my parents. Some parts of this will be more difficult than others, as You, if You know me, can easily imagine.

My father is one smart dude. He has a phenomenal memory for words. He can recite tens/hundreds of songs/poems that he learned years and years ago. He loves language, he delights in recitation. That is what originally brought him to the stage. There is no doubt he is creative; I think his output is partly driven by his utter conviction that he has something important to say to the world. I often think this is so much more valuable than someone who has even the best ideas but feels no compunction to share them. What's the value of an idea if awareness of it is limited to its generator? So, anyway, he has that. He also loves his children. He obviously wants what is/he considers to be best for each of us. His ability to translate that to actual support in helping us pursue happiness can be questioned; but he without a doubt wants us to be happy. He has presence. He commands attention. He has charisma. He can make himself liked by almost anyone when he wants to; I think both M and I have this trait from him. I look almost exactly like him, in female form. He has strong genes.

Mom is in a way a more difficult object of description, because there is so little about her that isn't the best ever. What can I say. Hhmmmm. She is the best cook ever. She cares a lot about food. I think she should definitely open a restaurant, because then people would actually appreciate her efforts. I will eat almost anything, and that's not who she's really cooking for. She deserves more refined, questing palates. She is the most caring person alive. She will never, ever, knowingly/intentionally make anyone feel bad. Even if they deserve to feel bad. She will protect people's emotions far beyond what is courteous or typical. She has a warmth that is overpowering, paired with an intelligence that is always evident, but always subordinate to that warmth. This I am trying to learn from her. She's incredibly good at helping in ways that are actually helpful. It's hard to explain. But it involves flexibility, silently adapting to other people's needs in ways that make them unaware that she is actually having to simultaneously reconcile multiple other needs. She loves her children, and also she loves everyone her children love. Which is sort of nuts. But awesome! She is so respectful. She never denigrates anyone, which is particularly noteworthy when applied to people who have less power/status/whatever. She never even uses her legitimate power, let alone abuses it. Or at least it never feels that way. She interacts democratically. She raised us to be fairly responsible adults, I'm convinced, by never treating us as less than responsible, conscious, thinking individuals. That is rare in a parent. What else? She has taste, she has savoir vivre, she is knowledgeable about literature and music, she can cut a rug, she can sing. She speaks 3 languages fluently. She is a mathematician by education, which I bet just surprised You if You didn't know it already. She's got a logical, pragmatic, problem-solving mind. But she's whimsical and spontaneous and light-hearted whenever an occasion arises. And she lets me throw parties whenever I want.

Today it's M's turn.

M is by virtue of being my older brother one of the formative influences of my life, in giving me a sense of self-assurance and capability and security of self-expression. He is very nurturing and caretaking, and he without a doubt gave me more confidence as a child than I would have otherwise had, in navigating my social and physical environment. Because we moved a lot, he was the steady anchor that allowed me to wander with comfort that someone was not only beside me but in front of me, and, if need be, behind me. He has grown up to be such a rock of certitude. Unimaginably civically responsible, honourable, principled, idealistic. But also profoundly thoughtful. Does not let himself accept idle whimsies, intuitions, as truth. Considers, evaluates, concludes. Has masterful, no exaggeration, proficiency in the Polish language. Crafts sentences and arguments in a way that makes them clear without loss of nuance. That is no piece of cake, Dear Readers. I am having a deja vu experience as I write this. I must have thought about this a lot before. It is extremely important for me to mention, here, that the work he does, professionally, is nation-building. It is norm-changing. It is refocussing our attention, as citizens and individuals, from what is salient to what is integral. That, I think, is something to be proud of.

So, it's J's nameday today, and to celebrate this, as well as to counteract the interaction I had with my father recently on their topic, I'm going to write about how awesome my younger brothers are.

K: one of the most multilaterally talented people I have ever met. Athletically, linguistically, musically, artistically. Also, so energetic. He DOES shit with his talents. He doesn't lay them by the wayside like some of us. He's giving; he readily, easily connects with people, and people just goddamn adore him basically on sight. He has an incredible store of knowledge, because his memory is astonishing.

J: unbelievably orderly. In his head, I mean, not only in his environment (that too). Efficient, careful in his thinking. Really, would have been such a fantastic computer programmer. Also, really fucking funny. And a joy to be around, when he wants to be. An excellent, devoted cook. Does not employ half-measures. Takes shit seriously, responsible and reliable. Plants and animals in his care will not die.

S: the smartest person in our family, I think. Deep thinking. He writes fiction beautifully, engagingly. Also, fun-loving. So willing to put himself out there! He entertains, he wants people to enjoy themselves. He makes me laugh like no one else. He dances and/or sings along to anything that I play on the car radio, ha. He is irritatingly strong. He is emotionally aware, good at relationships.