It's real easy to project Your own prejudices onto other people, isn't it.

I've agreed to do this university radio show on psychology (archives available online [log in as guest][warning: in Polish!]) and I'm listening to past programs to get a sense of what it's like. I'm invited to talk about sexism. They did a show on stereotypes & prejudice with one of my colleagues (totes not bad) and one on "the psychology of women" --> which I am listening to right now and which is driving me stark raving BONKERS!!! It's all about PMS and sexuality. GodDAMN. Does woman HAVE to = bodily functions? Can You imagine a show on "the psychology of men" focussing exclusively on wet dreams and premature ejaculation? FFS. DO WE NOT HAVE A MENTAL LIFE. For God's sake. I should have known, the title itself should have been warning enough. Oh, and here come the eating disorders!!

I'm watching these videos on youtube about proper pop-up technique (when surfing) and they all neglect to tell me what to do if I don't have nearly the core and upper body strength to place my foot where my belly button used to be just a moment ago. Man. It's like it doesn't even compute with them that people do the improper technique because they lack the physical prowess to do it right. Hellllloooooo, Surfer Dude. Thanks for the tip but I can't DO that, and if I wait to learn to surf until I can do that THE DAY WILL NEVER COME.

My personal trainer has plenty of work to do.

But it's adorable how they all have surfer dude accents.

Wow, maybe my blog will turn into a series of snide one-way conversations with people who publish things on teh internets.

P.S. The shortboard technique is EVEN WORSE!!

P.S.2. But one of the 'related videos' was Jack Black defining an octagon on Sesame Street. So worth it.

P.S.3. Bonus!

I hate it when people give advice like "Have something to say!" about writing. Well, duh. So how do I find something I want to say, Helpful Writer Person? I want to write, but I don't want to express my inner thoughts. That's the problem. (With the exception of outwardly responding to certain circumstances with vibrant outrage, which of course I do quite regularly.)

Also, P told me a few days ago that I was a talker. I kind of felt like saying, "What? have You ever, like, TALKED to me?" I'm so not a talker.

Ja: Dostałam zaproszenie do radia kampus.... Nie wiem czy powinnam być w radio.
JoStef: No, lepiej w radio niż w telewizji.

What do You think is worse: telling a guy on the dancefloor to shove off because You're here with Your jealous girlfriend and You don't dance with anyone but her, then being observed dancing with a different guy, or telling a guy on the dancefloor that he's really just not appealing, then being observed dancing with a different guy?

It took me all fricking day to figure out what it is that I am feeling. It's disgust. This nausea, this internal arousal, this adrenaline stuff going on. It's disgust.

The worst thing is that I've had to spend the whole day preoccupied by it. And that I have been creating anger-wrinkles. Anger/disappointment/dejection/disgust/dejection/anger wrinkles.

Also, I really need to buy a new computer.

And I feel much much better now that I have identified this emotion.

I had an epiphany today: The reason our interactions are so awkward is because WE ARE **BOTH** NERVOUS! Wow.

You know what I miss about New York? Being charming. That is such an important chunk of my identity that doesn't get expressed here.

One of the things I really like about teaching is observing the social relations develop between my sweet students. I mean, the ones I like getting to like one another. Actually, I like that when it's not my students too. I'm just thinking about this in student terms because I have a salient example in mind. I like it when people become friends. That's it.

I have been taking hiphop classes for, like, 3 or 4 years now, on and off. I like my instructor quite a lot, but the way he moves and choreographs is very masculine. There is really no way I can look really GOOD doing his routines, my body isn't built the right way. I don't have the athleticism, I'm too top-heavy, etc. I would consider taking hiphop with a different instructor, but I guess I think it's good for me to [try to] learn things that are unnatural to me. (This is just one of the contexts for this to occur.) I started taking belly dancing in the fall, which was much better for my build, but the teacher was not athletic enough (to say nothing of my classmates! ugh!!).

Reggaeton, though. Reggaeton is the dance for me.

I wonder who actually thinks of him/herself as high-maintenance. In attempting to define "high maintenance" I have come up with this: High maintenance means that other people have to manage Your emotions. Low maintenance means that You do a good job of emotional regulation on Your own. What do You think?

I don't know if You've ever noticed* this, but I have this thing where if I don't like someone I have an approach-tendency towards that person. I am having this now with this one person whom I really don't like and I keep engaging this person. I guess I do this because I like almost everyone and these individuals are something like a test of my ability to find common ground with anyone. But it's a very strange thing, to be watching myself reaching out in friendship to someone I just really don't like. At least not immediately.

* I have to say, it would be funny and surprising if You had noticed it.

A few days ago I was talking to K who said that life had recently forced him into making some decisions that were contrary with his core beliefs and values. I know the feeling; You do something stupid or easy or thoughtless, and then suddenly the fallout provokes behaviours You'd never have expected of Yourself, and You're disgusted and disappointed but to unwind it all feels like it would make it even worse. He seemed a little crushed, so I, positive re-contrualist that I am, said "Well, it's good to stretch Your horizons. You know, exit Your comfort zone. Do something new. Sky dive, whatnot."

But I guess this sort of situation is not what all those self-help gurus mean.

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