Awwww man. I am so frustrated with Warsaw.

I read in the paper last weekend that there is a sculpture garden in Bródno, which I knew nothing about. There is a piece by my favourite artist ever, Olafur Eliasson. I was shocked and really excited to see it and add it to my list of Warsaw sights to see (but also thought -- how typical! Typical typical typical! Warsaw is fantastic at not promoting interesting things about itself. Most of the great stuff is reserved for people who stumble upon it by accident.). So I spent a couple of days trying to convince people to go with me, found no one, decided to go it alone*. So yesterday I took the 118 (a direct bus from home to the park! how awesome is that!) and on the ride over tried to figure out how easy it would be to bike there (easy, if ones doesn't mind staircases up/down the bridge; and biking next to traffic).

* całe moje życie!

Once I got there, the problems began. First of all, I identified the park by the bus stop I got off at, not by any other indicator that this was the park I was looking for (jedi-mind-wash gesture). The park looked _lovely_. Really well tended, though there was no water where water should apparently be. Very nicely laid brick sidewalks, newly set stairs, groomed (somewhat) lawns, blooming trees**. So I was pleased to be there, thought I'd just wander and I'd find what I was looking for.

** this, granted, was not a merit of the park; the whole city is in bloom

I did wander. It was very pleasant. I wandered the entire park. Back and forth. I found one map, and then on the other side of the park, another. You might assume this would help me locate the art works that were advertised as the sculture park's main attraction. Unfortunately, the map itself was itself clearly created more as an impressionstic work, rather than an instrument to help newcomers navigate the area.

Note lack of "You are here" symbol. No street names. No legend. Titles of art works scattered seemingly at random throughout map, not connected to numbers, which may or may not denote placement of art works within park. Apparent pathways not compatible with physical pathways.

Since this story is lengthening unnecessarily, let me bottom-line it this way: I found two works of art. When I saw the first was when my frustration turned to depression. The artist may call it something like "Upside Down Espresso Teahouse" but I call it "This is why we can't have nice things".

The rest I am too dejected to elaborate so here it is in bullet points:

• I didn't find the piece I went there to see (never found it, despite circling the general area I thought it ought to be in for long enough to feel seriously self-conscious about being taken for a stalker).
• There's nothing quick to eat in the area that doesn't contain a ton of flour/sugar. I ate water for lunch.
• The bus home didn't come.

It has happened again. Again, I am madly inconvenienced because people insist on personally handing me an invitation to their wedding. I so don't get this custom. If we saw each other naturally, no problem. But if there is no easy way to do it, FFS--support the Post Office, in its last throes.

One reason I really like to go skating here in the winter is that it affords me a very rare opportunity to see competent and confident Polish men. This society provides so few opportunities, it seems, for people to demonstrate their skills openly, without fear of cynical or passive aggressive responses, and men in particular typically appear quite unsure of themselves*. But on the skating rink? Those dudes know what they are doing, and they REVEL in it. They show off, they take advantage of their bodies, they FLIRT. It is a joy.


* which is why they are so appreciative of a captive audience when they find one, eh?

Three things happened at the gym today.

1. A person whose window is across the street from the gym was visibly naked in her room after exiting her shower, drying her hair. A fellow gym-goer and I exchanged snickers about it from our respective vantage points at adjacent windows. I would have been happy with just the two of us sharing the moment but she told her boyfriend, who came over to look. That, I thought, was inelegant.

2. An 8o-year-old babcia saw me stretching in the change room and gave me advice about stretching my lower back in the mornings. The technique involves rubbing as much of my back as possible with my knuckles.

3. A 6-year-old girl yelped "That lady is naked!" to her 5-year-old brother, pointing at me and giggling! Adorable, but I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't want to embarrass her by looking at her and smiling broadly, which was my instinct, so I chuckled silently into my gym bag. Her mother was embarrassed enough.

This is the reason I hate taking classes in "humanistic" subjects. There is a list of books we have to read for next class (2 weeks from now) and NOT ONE OF THEM is available in any Polish online or IRL bookshop that I have found. I can ship the English versions through amazon for 15 pounds (shipping costs! in addition to the cost of the books themselves!).

*frustration*

Today I was talking to A about men in Warsaw. I was saying that they require a lot of work. Sometimes it seems that a fellow and I like each other, and it would be worth going somewhere with it, but it seems like they never do anything to make that happen. If we see each other again it's because I suggested it, or made it happen in some way. It's not that having a relationship here is impossible; it's that it requires a lot of unreciprocated extended effort (on the part of the woman, I think). This was my stance. Then A said, "Haven't You ever met someone and it is obvious that You click, and then he does something indirect (of course they never do suggest anything directly) to make it possible to meet again?" And to this I was forced to say, "No." It's like they (like A) are waiting for a bolt of lightening. It should be ORGANIC. You shouldn't have to PLAN interactions. It takes away the MAGIC.* Yadda yadda.**

Now, the first response I had to this situation was: since this happens to A, and not to me***, then it must be something about me--that is, apparently these men don't do anything to see me again not because they just don't do that sort of thing, as was my assumption, but because they lack motivation to see me, specifically.

My second response is that, wait. Most of my existing relationships in Poland function the same way! I do all the work! How many times do I suggest we meet, versus my friends suggesting we meet and organizing something? The odds must be somewhere near 15:1.

I'd list all of the factors that play into this phenomenon, and the conclusion of these thought-trains, but I'm already bored with this post. Oh well. I was asked to boost quantity recently. Quality needs suffer when mass production**** is introduced.

* I should say, this is the way it seemed to work when we were in our 20s. I'm not surprised people believe that it's possible. Well, OK, I am surprised. Life is a little more complicated now. That should pretty obviously be considered, no?

** bunch of hippies.

*** in Poland. Be it noted, this dynamic is entirely different in the US.

**** Ha. Ha ha. 1 post after 4 weeks == mass production? Ha ha!

I am getting quite a few lovely message from people in response to an announcement that I quit my admin job. It is supernice to get them.