On my run today while being passed by a pair of skinny runner boys I was thinking to myself about how I really do not have a runner's body. It is no wonder that I run so slow, because I am clearly just not built for it. It's ridiculous that I run at all. And then I started thinking about how I am really not built for any sport. There is no sport that is better when one is short and has boobs. Even swimming, in which an evenly-spread layer of fat can be helpful for increasing hydrodynamics, does not reward concentrated fat protrusions. Even reggaeton -- as good a dance for my booty as they've ever produced -- is better when one doesn't have noticeable breasts. So then I started thinking about what things my body *was* built for. And I came up with this: giving birth and nursing infants. Too bad that's harder to arrange than joining a soccer team.